Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Life is so much better after having sex.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
