We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
