I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
