And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
