sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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