I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
