probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
