He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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