I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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