My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
