Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
