Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
