That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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