fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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