Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
