on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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