I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
