ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
