you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
