I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
