I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
