I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you inspire me to be a worse person
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
