If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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