I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
