pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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