im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
