Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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