I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
