At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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