found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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