she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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