who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
