10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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