It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
