he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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