i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
