What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
