I want to stick my p in your. b.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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