captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
