Banned from zoo.
Again?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
