dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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