Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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