I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
