My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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