She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
