It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
