this boner is exhausting
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
