i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
