my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
