this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
