Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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