my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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