and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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