I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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