My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
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I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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