All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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