i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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