allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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