she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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