Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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