We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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