we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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