That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
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She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
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Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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