i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
