hotel room ftw
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
