All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
