yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
