you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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