Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
