U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
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I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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