shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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