Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
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Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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