Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
