I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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