Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
