i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
